Davidson Hang Reflections and Lessons from a life worth living

Episode 41: Davidson Hang Reflections What I do and don't want you to know about me

10 things I want you to know about me and 10 things I don't want you to know about me

This was the video that inspired me to do my version of it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OARWlF2XLe4

A video about shame and how being open helps you get over the fear of others' judgments. Its a practice like with anything else that is worth it. 

Episode 40: Davidson Hang Reflections : What its like in NYC right now

People ask me every day what it's like in NYC. This is just my radical opinion take it with a grain of salt. I believe that the lack of human to human interaction is probably more detrimental to society than actually big picture COVID in general. This is coming from an extremely social person so its just my opinion. I am not a public health major. I was a community Nutrition major in college. 

Episode 39: Davidson Hang Reflections on Microaggressions

TDLR version: It's probably going to be uncomfortable for many to read this because its about race. Its a story about where I still have my own unconscious and my journey through therapy, coaching, and making my own mistakes to become a better human being.

 

It's been a bit tough to sleep for me because of so many reasons being couped up inside and not being able to meet in large gatherings and because of the systematic racism that is still taking place.

 

I had a conversation with a friend of mine and there was some guilt and shame associated with not having a lot of these struggles that many blacks experience across the globe. Luckily, we have a relationship where he feels open enough to share with me. I said something that was very hurtful to me, and he told me that he couldn't sleep because of it.

 

For context, he is a black male living in New Jersey. I told him I wanted to interview him for my podcast and said you are well-spoken, and that would resonate with my educated audience with many of the professionals I work with. I had a feeling in my stomach that didn't land right. I caught up with him a few days later, and he told me that really hurt his feelings, and I realized then that 1. I have a long way to go in my allyship and 2. My intention of doing the podcast was not in alignment with the impact that it created by saying those hateful comments.

 

At Linkedin at our Global Sales Kick off, we had a workshop where many black males shared with us about how they face these unconscious word choices that offend my black male colleagues. They say if I were white then you would never say that I am well-spoken, articulate, or an eloquent speaker. Maybe people mean well, but that's not the point. The point is how the other person is left feeling after your interaction. Many will justify it with well I meant it as a compliment. When people say aren't Asians suppose to be good at math or you guys never experience any adversity, I've had colleagues say statistically speaking Asians are doing so much better than everyone else. How is that suppose to make me feel?

 

I started to reflect on why this is important to me to bring up this topic and start a conversation to have others take a look inwards, and I recall so many times where people make jokes about Asian males and our lack of masculinity shown in mainstream media. Many of the Asian males play roles where they are the nerd or geeks or the victim who gets bullied and beaten up by the more masculine characters. How about that as a confident booster growing up and all of your TV you watch show a certain archtype of what many would consider models for a teenager or young adult.

 

How many times have you made a joke about an Asian male and our packages? I remember growing up, and still, to this day as a professional in the workforce, I still get inappropriate comments like you should take testosterone because you are not aggressive enough. I do understand that people often project, and the most insecure people are the ones that are saying these things. I'll never forget when one of my best friends in high school said some racist comments because of a mistake I've made, and from that day on, I could never trust white people. That was my story until I did Accomplishment Coaching and realized that I had to heal some trauma there. Years of therapy and workshops/coaching later, I am much more receptive to trusting Caucasians, but I do notice how I automatically close myself off in most instances.

 

I remember being bullied at a previous company, and I was so afraid to come to work. Not only did it add to my depression, and I felt like such an imposter every day because I was often the only Asian person not only in sales but at this Private Equity, HedgeFund, Family office events.

 

The point in me sharing these stories is that we are often now aware that we make a lot of these hurtful comments. Even as an Asian are putting other Asian races down.

Being Vietnamese and ironically never even having been gone to Asia in my lifetime yet... white people often ask me where am I from? I say New Jersey, no, they say before that.

"I was born in New Jersey...."

"No, where are your parents from?"

You could have just asked me what nationality I am, but I would have just say American.

 

It starts with yourself and noticing when you make comments. All I am asking is to be more aware of your comments and unconscious bias and or microaggressions.

 

I make these mistakes all of the time, and I am certainly not perfect clearly stated in my first story. It breaks my heart that he was not able to sleep well because of my hurtful comments. I know what it's like because I've had so many of these comments as well on the track team when this happened at a friend's birthday party. You never want others to say, Is it true that Asians have small penises?

 

I did a simple exercise the other day, where I thought what if George Floyd is my good friends Melvin, Edwin, or Aaron... I would fkin devastated I cried like a baby yesterday when I even thought of it.

 

Although, I'll never truly understand what black people go through in today's age I can have the compassion and remember back to how little I felt when I get these racist comments more often then you would think and how much it hurts when it was from your closest friends people you have spent hundreds of hours with every month inside and outside of school.

 

Thanks for making it this far, I know it's not an easy topic for many but starting to think of instances where you may have say something that could have impacted someone in the wrong way is the first step.

Episode 38: Davidson Hang Reflections on my fear of looking bad but still taking action despite what others may think.

According to a study published in Alan S. Cowen and Dacher Keltner Phd from Berkeley there are 27 human emotions. I will discuss 26 of them in processing my emotions to see if others feel the same way.

• Admiration-I have admiration for others taking action and when white allies are acknowledging their white privilege it makes me happy that we are moving in some sort of progress because I do think that acceptance is the start before any change happens. I tell people all of the time, if I see my friends getting bullied. I'll say something and acknowledging that by doing nothing- I am actually sending a message that it's acceptable that this racism exists.
• Adoration-I have adoration for my friends like Aaron and Melvin who have openly shared with their struggles with being black from being arrested/shot at/ or being pulled over by cops just because of their dreadlocks or the color of their skin. It breaks my heart when I see that even though we live in this great country, we have not made that much progress at all. Thank you for your vulnerability. I am releasing a podcast episode this week about Aaron's authentic experience of what it's like being black in this country. Stay tuned and would love your feedback on your takeaways from the conversation. It's going to be raw and authentic unfiltered. 
• Aesthetic Appreciation- Although I do appreciate the aesthetic appreciation of luxury goods. I know they are being targeted in some unpeaceful riots all over metropolitan areas. I have strong opinions about this, and you don't have to agree, but at the end of the day, material items are not as valuable as human lives. If there are thousands of racist killings a year, then honestly even if it's millions of dollars of merchandise. I would choose for us to make progress on changing the way we look at other races over the cost of what it is to fix these windows and the dollar value of luxury goods.
• Amusement- I used to laugh at the racist jokes aimed towards me as a way of dealing with it as a survival mechanism. It never feels good when you feel alone and that you are the only Asian in the room especially in sales. There has been so many meetings when met with decision-makers or even at a networking event where people talk about golf or their multiple homes in other states. I always felt like an imposter and it was hard for me to relate to simple topics like pop culture.
• Anxiety- Who isn't feeling anxiety right now? Especially compounded with COVID-19, your job, and your livelihood of paying the bills. For those of you who are privileged enough where you do have a family with a place to stay outside of NYC. I am fortunate that I can even escape NYC to stay at my fiancee's parent's house. Not all of us have the luxury where we can escape to go somewhere else. I'm extremely blessed, but I would be lying if I didn't acknowledge that I feel like I've betrayed my city by leaving it, but I do acknowledge that it's probably the smart thing to do when became "dangerous" to stay in NYC.
• Awe- I am in awe of all of the peaceful protestors of all of colors, backgrounds, and experiences. When cops are marching with the protestors in some cities that gives us hope that change will eventually come even though it's taken us this long to start the conversation for it be worldwide.
• Awkwardness- It's never an easy conversation when you bring race up as an issue. People inherently don't like change- Think of how many old school parents still think it's okay to treat blacks like a second class citizen. Asian parents are some of the worst, and yes I get it there is trauma or their own racism that they have to deal with in the past but when you take a stand it's never easy to try to help others see a different perspective.
• Boredom- I am fkin bored staying at home. Honestly, I hate it. I do feel bad that I should be doing more. With COVID-19 and large gatherings being potentially dangerous to because you have a higher probability of contracting the virus, I realize that there are other ways to contribute as to whether its writing things like this or a podcast I've created about interviewing Garrett how to be a good Ally. Thank you, Garrett, for this resource and for bringing the conversation to light.
• Calmness- Meditation has been a great source to ground me. Thank you to the mindfulness community and the bountiful resources we have here at Linkedin. Even though it helps process what's going on right now I do still feel like its been harder to sleep because we are all are thinking of ways where we can contribute to progressing society and the world.
• Confusion- Feeling confused some days- you feel great and blessed to be privileged and some days there is a feeling of helplessness and confusion about where to even start.
• Craving- I am craving restaurants/bars/ and large gatherings. I am a social creature and even though this isolation has drastically changed who I am. It's helped me actually stand for something in the belief in something more than just myself. It's helped given me purpose in many of Employee Resource Group related endeavors that I've been involved with since I've joined Linkedin. 
• Disgust- Absolute disgust that police officers have gotten away with as much as they have so far. I get it that not all police officers are bad and not all white people are evil but every time I read something about another police officer getting away clean from these deaths. I have that much disgust in my stomach that this is happening still in 2020.
• Empathetic pain- A blessing and curse. I am an empath, and it's really hard for me to separate my pain from others. Sometimes it paralyzing, sometimes it really helps me get a good cry in where I can process these emotions. My beautiful fiancee is another empath where when she sees someone in a TV show or movie gets hurt she says wow, my tail bone hurts. That's why I love her so much because of her big gigantic heart in feeling the emotions that people do in videos and movies.
• Entrancement- There have been moments of entrancement where I've created the space example in my men's group to be vulnerable and for us to share how we feel about the current situation or even when my team at Linkedin created the space for us where we can have this potentially uncomfortable conversation. That makes me extremely happy that I can work for a company where this is a valid topic of conversation. I know not everyone has that privilege.
• Envy- I used to be so envious of white American males. The opportunity they get to move up in management or being lucky enough to be born into wealth. That used to consume me, (the hatred, the anger of social injustice) but now I see that with any power comes the necessity of being a leader and that pressure is not easy. Having responsibility is not always easy, but it's needed right now.
• Excitement- I am excited that I am optimistic and see that there is change starting to happen. I know it's not going to be easy, but with every tragedy comes an opportunity. Speaking for myself, through the biggest challenges in my life I am been much more involved with non-profits, and social impact work. If I did not experience my father's leaving us as a child, racism against Asians, and a ton of other adversity I do not think I would be as passionate as I am about these types of conversations.
• Fear- Of course, there is fear in regards to my professional brand. It is going to affect my future career choices. Knowing that many executives and decision-makers are white. I know that not everyone is ready to have this conversation, but I am firm in who I am and standing for social equality.
• Horror- The horror as I watched George Floyd and many other videos over the past few years. I ask myself, that could be my close friends who are black. Actually sitting with that and being with that thought scares me.
• Interest- I am interested in change and how companies like Linkedin are starting this conversation. We know action is more important, but for many, starting to take interest is one way forward. This can look like educating yourself through a bunch of different media channels so that it's not completely biased.
• Joy- There's so much joy when I see us come together and start to view others not as strangers but as one species as a human.
• Nostalgia- I miss the simplest days where I could have walked around the halls of work ignorant to what's going on around me. In a way, humans are great at avoiding the problem. Many of us naturally love avoiding conflict, life is much easier that way. I've lived most of my life avoiding conflicting by running away or not having to deal with this. It's that easy to unfollow someone on social media if they do not agree with your perspective. 
• Romance- I am in love with reading Trevor Noah, Kevin Hart, and other influential black people's biographies and when leaders have influence and speak up vulnerable about their experiences growing up- what it's like being black with systematic racism. Their vulnerability is so relatable. That is what standing for something looks like.
• Sadness- Extreme sadness that it's 2020 and jails are basically a version of slavery. From watching the 13th documentary, I find it hard to even watch the whole thing on Netflix in one sitting without being sick to my stomach.
• Satisfaction- I will be satisfied when I start to see real change instead of speaking about change.
• Sympathy- I have sympathy for others who are not taking action because of their fear of looking bad. I was one who cared about that too at one point and still do from time to time. But like I have said being doing nothing, you are sending a message as well.
• Triumph- We will triumph through this like we always do because humans are capable of beautiful things when we come together. I know not everyone shares this optimism but I do. 

I hope you enjoyed this full range of human emotions post and would love to hear your thoughts on what's going on right now as well. 

Episode 37: Davidson Hang Reflection's on George Floyd, Systematic Racism and Acceptance being the first step in a long process

I'm typically a guy who never discuss politics or race publically, but with what's going on with the systematic racism, I feel a desire to raise awareness around these issues.

 

I am privileged that I can run around the neighborhood without being shot.

 

I'm privileged that when I walk around a grocery store, security guards do not profile me and follow me around.

 

I'm fortunate enough that people do not have to hold on to their purses when I'm near them.

 

These are all experiences that my friends have shared with me. One of my good friends from Philly feels the tension in the air when he enters a bus, or when he is walking around Philly, he feels like people are afraid of him. He's the nicest guy in the world too! I love you, Melvin!

 

I was pretty ignorant of all of these things because I was always too worried about what my fellow Asian brothers and sisters were dealing with ourselves in our own bubble regards to all of the adversity we've encountered as a race, especially with the president calling it the Chinese virus.

 

I am also torn because I'm pretty close with some police officers and I remember living with one and he would always tell me that with cell phones around about many officers hesitate and it drastically affects their decision-making skills when time is on the essence when your life could be taken in a many of seconds when working with criminals in Camden, NJ- one of the most dangerous cities in the US.

 

I'm extremely sad that there is violence in the world and that it has resulted in this much chaos.

 

I get that we've reached a breaking point because of all of the systematic racism going on in the world. I remember feeling so helpless when I heard about the death of Vincent Chin, and when I read up about our history in America. We've come a long way, and I respect that.

 

In many ways, we've gone backwards as well as a society. With every tragedy, there lies an opportunity. It makes me happy that people acknowledging that white privilege is a thing. I think with any change, the first step is acceptance.

 

Having a victim mentality most of my life, I made middle-aged white males as the enemy in the world. Having many more experiences and being able to change my perspective, I realize that I cannot generalize with anything.

 

Working at LinkedIn, we get exposure to these types of conversations more often. Through many self-development programs such as Landmark and Accomplishment coaching, I had the privilege of hearing many saddening stories about the justice system in America and how some of my African American colleagues feel about when people are afraid of their sheer presence. I am so fortunate in so many ways, and I am generally sad it takes protesting for policymakers to begin the conversation of change finally.

 

Being involved with LinkedIn's Asian Alliance and having attended many Hispanics of LinkedIn and the Black Inclusion Group events and panel discussions has opened up my eyes to being able to have these conversations finally. I was always afraid and quite frankly triggered when others had these conversations. I would say to myself ugh... Social media can be such a paralyzing place. I am finally starting to realize that everything starts with a conversation. From my men's group yesterday, I realize that it begins with each individual, and by saying nothing, you are saying something. I would never let my friends get bullied in front of me, so why would I be silent with millions of people who are systematically at a disadvantage from birth? We have a long way to go, and now is the time we come together as one and start to realize that we are all the same. The more I dive into self-development, the more I realize that we all have the same emotions and feelings even though some of us are at a disadvantage from birth.

Acknowledging our feelings is the beginning, and although these conversations are never easy. It needs to start somewhere.

Episode 36: Davidson Hang Reflections- Tribute to Jeff Weiner Departing as CEO of LinkedIn and the Legacy he has created

Thank you Jeff Weiner we are going to miss you as our CEO. I remember when I was a senior in high school I knew I wanted to work at LinkedIn I thought it was cool that I could reach out to people whom I looked up to seek advice from.

Having access to anyone was always intriguing to me. 

That's where I met Garrett Rafols who took me in and mentored me.

From the mindfulness community to the work we are doing for equality with women, minorities, and people of different religions, thoughts, and experiences are all valued here.

We are not perfect but the culture and compassionate leadership you have cultivated here at LinkedIn lies within all of us. It's deep-rooted within every employee and our interactions inside and outside. All 15 thousand of us are an extension of your values of humor, integrity, transformation, results, collaboration, relationship matters, inspire excellence, and so much more.

Thank you, Jeff you inspire us to be authentically leading through listening and by bringing our full selves to work every day.

Episode 35: Davidson Hang Reflections: Why I started a podcast

Why I started a blog, podcast, and YouTube channel

www.DavidsonHang.com

https://www.youtube.com/user/davidsonh87

https://open.spotify.com/show/4H475Y8hPnuqUTDOKtwOWQ

Episode 32: Davidson Hang Reflections- Mental Health Awareness Month- My Story

Inspired by Katie Page Weiss's post on Linkedin. I've decided to share why I am so passionate about Mental Health Awareness Month.

Imposter syndrome, the other day I shared a bit about Imposter Syndrome doing a meeting with another team here at Linkedin.

I'll never forget the day I was crying in front of my manager, and I didn't know why I was doing that. I've moved around a lot in my life and have a ton of my support in my life luckily. A ton of friends, I went to college, there were many things to be grateful for.

Still, I felt a sense of aloneness, it almost didn't make any sense because I worked at a company where my people would dream of working, we had fun happy hours, it was a strong name brand, and my coworkers were brilliant. I was fortunate enough that I had excellent health insurance, and it allowed me to pay for a therapist. I wasn't sure what compelled me to look into mental health; all I knew is that I had a lot of emotions to process.

Growing up, my father left us one day without telling us, and I always felt different than everyone else. We all experience some trauma in life that's just growing up. I was so grateful that my therapist almost took the place of my father where I was able to heal some of my past.

I remember moving back to the town where I spent most of my life growing up in Cherry Hill, NJ. I reached out to all of my previous teachers and acknowledged them for being there for me and for helping me expand on my curiosity. There was still something missing...

Fast forward, I end up moving into NYC, and my girlfriend and I got a place together in a tiny Manhattan apartment. I went to so many networking events because I enjoyed meeting people and learning about other people's stories and lives. I met Joslyn from Accomplishment Coaching, and that year-long intensive program blew open my world. I learned about my survival mechanisms, which in the program mine were Big Hero No, Optimistic Orphan, and Judgmental Guru. These were the names of who I grow up to be because of my trauma and stuff that I've interpreted in my life as my father not loving me enough to stick around for.

During this really intense program you get to deal with all of your dark secrets and realize that wow I am not the only one going through all of this craziness that's in my head. I started to see that actually, my parents and everyone else around me love me for what I am and not for my accomplishments and awards.

I started meeting other people who were into this kind of work of self-discovery and forgiveness and stumbled upon a program called Landmark, and that blasted away another layer of the complexity that is a human being. I started making amends with all of the people whom I perceived as having unresolved issues with. I called my old bosses, where I left for another company or an ex-girlfriend whom I've left in the past. I took responsibility for my actions, and it felt great. It wasn't easy or fun, but I felt a huge burden lifted off my shoulders.

We all still have our ups and downs, and I am grateful for all of those who stood for me and helped me process so many of these feelings of imposter syndrome, doubt, anxiety, and constant comparison.

Thank you, Katie Page Weiss. We don't know each other, but I am so glad you shared your story because when leaders do it, other employees are compelled to open themselves up as well.

The five things I would recommend in helping us during our Mental Health journey is

1. Meditation or find your grounding practice. For me, it looks like taking a walk around the park or being in nature. Try different types of meditation. Headspace was the one that got me into all of this. I remember saying to myself meditation is hard, but like with anything else with practice, it becomes easier. I would also recommend Transcendental Meditation or for anyone who is located in NYC- the Inscape studio in flatiron or MNDFL is excellent as well for anyone in the 50s midtown east area.
2. Find a physical exercise you enjoy and make it a part of your routine. Crossfit, Flywheel, Yoga, and weight lifting has been fun in having more self confidence on my physical well being as well as mentally. It helps build a sharp, healthy habit and mind.
3. Find your tribe or group of friends where you can be yourself. For me, it's the social impact community, Sales folks, the coaching, and personal development communities. I love being with people who are curious about themselves and others and want to become the best version of themselves by having a growth mindset.
4. Find a therapist and try different types of therapy. Everyone has a different style, and different techniques work well for different people. Try Somatic Therapy and EMDR . Ping me if you want to discuss or want a recommendation on how to go about finding the right therapist for you. Reiki, Acupuncture, and having a Chiropractor in a way is helpful for healing for me.
5. Hire an Executive/Life Coach- It's helpful to have an unbiased accountability partner who you speak with regularly. They can help you by being an objective point of view of whats going on and will hold you accountable to be responsible for your actions, goals, and your results. You might not always love what you hear but you will be grateful at the end of the tunnel when you've generated breakthroughs in areas of your life where you never thought you could.

I had a story about how I was not a great writer and times like these give me the opportunity to impact at a much larger scale because writing reaches the masses much more easily than one on one conversations. I hope this inspires others to share their own Mental Health journey.

Episode 31: Davidson Hang Reflections: Creating my life's purpose and my code

These were my takeaways from Next Level Trainings in the first-ever Accelerate Training with Chris Lee.

I was about to create my code and it helped me figure out my why in life so that I can be purposeful with my intentions and what I want to create in the world.

Here is the link to the program if you are interested. https://www.nextleveltrainings.com/

My life's purpose is to create Curiosity, Reflection, and Abundance.

Curiosity in the inner world dispelling our own preconceived notions to grow. It starts from within and being curious about other people to tap into their greatness, joy, and strengths.

Practicing Gratitude leading to abundance. When you appreciate something the value of it goes up. I want others when interacting with me to see what's possible in themselves and others.

My intention is with reflection as a coach in life is when others are in my presence they see a reflection on what's possible within themselves, question some of their actions to be in alignment with their values. I help others see the humanity in themselves by helping people find a purposeful drive so that they are happy, fulfilled, and radiant joy. From reflecting on what legacy I am creating for my family, communities, and the world.

 

Episode 34: Reflections on Next Level Training

Emotional Intelligence Training Program